have you ever wished that someone close to you was a totally different person? i have had that wish all my life. i have hopes that my wish is coming true, but days like today tend to tarnish that dream and make me realize how truly hard life can be.

i got a call from my mother earlier tonight letting me know that my big brother didn’t pick up his wife tonight from work. no one has heard from him since about 5:30, when he sent a text letting his wife know he was on his way. its now 11:30pm. and i don’t know where my big brother is. and i’m scared. and worried. and hurt. and i want to yell and scream. and cry. and curl up in a ball and not think about it. but i don’t want to do any of those things at the same time. i don’t know if my brother is lying in a ditch somewhere. or if he is ok. maybe he is scared. more scared than i am right now. scared that life sometimes sucks. and sometimes its hard to go home.

i just want to know that my big brother is ok.


Filed under feelings

2 responses to “lost

  1. Hey Rachel, I just wanted to let you know you and your family are in my prayers.


  2. Megan

    you know you’re right. sometimes, maybe all the time, after you’ve fallen the last thing you want to do is pick yourself up and go home. you’d rather lay in the mud than go home. which makes no sense what-so-ever. because home, wherever that may be, is the one place where you’ll probably be welcomed and where you’ll find help and support.

    it’s the same old fight. pride vs. God. shame vs. God. misery vs. God. He doesn’t care what we do. or how many times we’ve done it. He just wants us to come home. so he can welcome us, help us and support us. but why is that so hard? even knowing He’ll take us back, it’s still hard.

    why is it so hard?

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